Everything has been written
You have no more words
Nothing is going to change and you know that
And you have so much to offer, but it won’t be taken
You feel like a fragile, fluctuating center.
So fucking hopeless, your favorite word,
Hopeless, helpless, forceless
Perfect sunny day, high skies, deep blue
“California state of mind”, hummingbirds,
Palm trees, the laziness of a quiet, hot afternoon
Everything looks so sharp in that sun, no shadow
The smell of eucalyptus, birds are chirping
You, in your room, by the table, the fan is working
Light breeze, teapot, work, routine, another hour.
And at a certain moment... it comes, it returns, you feel it again
You know you can’t do much; you just have to hold on and wait.
That moment returns and takes you.
Perfect sunny day, palm trees, humming birds, you at your table.
You look at the window and you see black snow falling from
the deep blue sky.
watch me vanish
Sarah Kane Psychosis 4.48 (fragment)